Portfolio

Cover Letter

            Throughout this year, I have had ups and downs with my writing, as I am sure every student can relate. Some days I am able to write two pages of an essay with ease, other days words cannot connect themselves how I want and writing is a long painful process. Despite all of my downfalls, I manage to improve as a writer. This portfolio reflects my transformation as a writer, my hits and misses, and my strengths and weaknesses.

            In the first semester, I wrote a literary analysis. My literary analysis was based off of the short story “The Return” by Ngugi Wa Thiong’o. My thesis statement and supporting statements were strong. However; other aspects of the paper lacked these shining characteristics. One thing that I learned this year is that just because I may have lengthy and highly detailed body paragraphs does not mean I have an A+ paper. The main problem with my Literary Analysis was that it lacked decent introductions and conclusions thus, making my paper more weak and boring.

When I went to the Writing Center, it became clear to me that I needed to increase the content of my introduction and conclusion paragraphs. Previously, I did not give a summary of the story, and my writing buddy pointed this out to me. When I gave more detail in my introduction paragraph, the conclusion paragraph followed. The improvement of these two paragraphs improved my paper overall. Besides the content of my paragraphs, the sentence fluency was choppy especially when I was using quotes. Initially when I wrote this paper I was using entire quotes from my short story rather than just using the meat of the quote. After doing this, my sentence fluency was greatly improved.

            In August I wrote a blog post titled “Hurricane Isaac”. The intention behind the post was to use descriptive and exciting vocabulary. Well, for one reason or another, my post did not end up being very exciting. Throughout the post, I was just stating facts and lacked elaboration. I had turned a very action filled moment into an uninteresting story. I knew the post was bad, but I didn’t like to use all the corny and fake language. However, seeing the other thrilling and detailed posts later that week made me realize that I missed the mark on mine. I decided to redo my bland post. This time around, I was determined to use every descriptive adjective in my vocabulary. I am proud of this post, not simply because of the writing, but also because I grew as a writer and a student. I explained my post in a thrilling and attention grabbing way while at the same time becoming a more creative writer.

            My least favorite post of the whole year is my “Free Post-Summer” post. Throughout this post, I just stated an activity that I did over the summer and moved on. I never explained anything and I never said anything interesting. The whole post was lifeless. What disappoints me the most is that I was actually giving a full effort because it was the first post of the year. Rather than giving no detail on anything I did that summer, I could have elaborated on just one or two of my activities. My favorite post of the year is “Reading Response- Match”. This post was supposed to be a normal reading response, but I went beyond that. In this post I gave a summary of the book and then connected problems in the book to actual problems that face our world today. I was proud because I exhibited deeper thinking by asking questions about the theme and what the author might have meant by different phrases.

            Towards the begging of the year, I wrote a Literary Story. The point of the project was to create solid imagery of an event that somehow changed me as a writer. I have always felt silly describing, for example, a butterfly in such immense detail. I had a realization while I was writing that paper that more detail makes a more interesting paper. Since then, I have been improving on including more detail and expanding my vocabulary in all of my essays, so that I can better portray my ideas to readers. Despite my great triumph over imagery, I have yet to master conventions. I hate conventions. If I could use conventions effectively in my papers, I know that I could improve as a writer.

            I have improved exponentially in my writing technique this year. This is clear when my first blog post is compared to blog posts as early as September. Although I had my fair share of poor writing this year, I am overall a strong writer who, at times, cannot connect thoughts between. In the rest of this portfolio you will see the highlights of my writings from this year; Writing Remix, Hits and Misses, and Essay Redo. 

Up's and Down's

(Essay Redo)

            In Ngugi Wa Thiong’o’s, “The Return”, the main character, Kamau has a lot of adversity in his life, since he was sentenced to go to a detention camp. Since Kamau left his family thought him to be dead, his fiancé was given to another man and his people relocated to a new location. Thiong’o uses symbols such as the bundle, the river, and the road splitting to portray the process of hardships, choices, death, and rebirth that the protagonist, Kamau experiences.

            It is made evident to the reader that Kamau has always lived a labor-intensive life style. Thiong’s alludes to this by Kamau’s attention to the crops likely harvest time and his inability to pay the bridal price for his wife. Also, Kamau also is of low enough social class to be sent to a detention camp without a trial for an un-named trial. While he is there all he carries with him is a bundle it “held the bitterness and hardships of the years spent in detention camps” (195). The bundle is significant to Kamau in two ways. The first way is very basic; it is everything he needs to live, all of the necessities. Second, it symbolizes everything he has been through: trials, detention camps, poverty, and loneliness. It is interesting how something so necessary to his existence can represent such upsetting and hard times. Through reasoning, the reader comes to the conclusion that this bundle used to be vital to Kamau’s existence but now he has no reason to hold on to it. The longer he holds on to his bundle, the longer these indifferent feelings will linger in his mind.

                Kamau has a negative outlook on life, with good reason. He has worked all his life,  cannot afford the love of his life, and is sent to a detention camp. While speaking in first person, Kamau says, “ The whole country seemed dull and weary. To Kamau this was nothing new.”  (195). The land around him is just another way to make him work. In this passage, Kamau takes note of this, and then states that this is a normal occurrence. Kamau sees the world as a cage for him; an unfair place where he is sentenced to live his life. He is having a daily struggle with working, fatigue, and missing people he loves.

                All of Kamau’s struggles collapse down on him when he returns to his village. Kamau has been gone for many years at a detention camps, he expects a hero’s welcome when he arrives home. What he discovers is, the village he knew is burnt to ash forcing everyone to re-establish in a new location. Kamau is upset about his old village but continues to concentrate on what is important; being reunited with everyone he loves.  However, his family doesn’t even welcome him because they thought him to be dead and his fiancé is given away to Kamua’s enemy “ Muthoni went away” (197). Everything around him is dying. He expected that his return would be the same place and with the same people as when he left. Instead nothing is the same, leaving Kamau feeling like a stranger in the only place he knew. All of these struggles and burdens build up to the turning point in his life.

                  It is unusual that the turning point in someone’s life would be the end. However, Kamau’s death is not physical, it is a death of his former ideas and feelings. Since he comes to a sudden realization that everything in his life is different, he feels foreign and unwelcome. The only way for him to feel apart of society again is to dispose of his old ideas and begin making new ones. This is actually good for Kamau because his life before the detention camps led him to a breaking point of wanting to end his physical life. Kamau has to decide if he wants to end his life or reform to a new one. It is foreshadowed earlier in the story that Kamau would be making a life changing decision later, but it did not hint to his choice. “A path branched to the left. He paused for a moment and then made up his mind.” (195) this minor choice, which path to take, was actually a symbol of his major decision that was still to come. Kamau made up his mind on which path to take in a moment, and same with his decision to continue living. The path is a symbol of the choices he has to make in his life.

                Since Kamau’s “death” he has had a whole new outlook on life. Everything around him was foreign, upsetting, and unwelcoming, now even his most burdening item is a symbol of change, “ he was shocked and wanted to retrieve it. He did not know why, but somehow he felt relieved.” (198) his bundle floated away from him in the river, but it was a symbol of hardships that are no longer weighing him down. This is also symbolic of him accepting his new position in life. He is accepting things as they come, and more importantly letting things leave.

               Thiong’o makes it clear that the Honia River is a symbol for life in this story. To Kamau the river is life, and one of the only good things in his life. The river brought back happy memories and made him feel at home. At the core of this story there is always the river, it represents the bad and good that Kamau feels. First. When Kamau looks into the river he sees his despair dashing on the surface. Then the second time, when he is considering ending his, life the river “takes away” his bundle representing the relief of loosing the burdens in his life. The river reflects what Kamau is feeling on the inside.

           Kamau proves that he has parted with the life he used to live by asking a question. “ Why should she have waited for me? Why should all the changes have waited for my return?” (198). This is the last statement of the story, showing that Kamau has grown as a character. Kamau understands that things cannot wait for him and that everyone else has a life to live also. They could not wait for him to be reborn. As Kamau is realizing that everything cannot wait for him and that life is a process of things coming and going. Thiong’o is showing the reader this process in Kamau’s life by using the river, bundle, and the road splitting are symbols of the process of growth that Kamau undertakes.

Essay Revision Process

I had never previously been to the Writing Center before this project required me to do so. I would like to start off by saying that the Writing Center was something that students should include in their writing process at least once. I picked up helpful tips from my visit and gained confidence in my writing. After going to the Writing Center, I came to the conclusion that sentence fluency and content needed the most work in my essay “Ups and Downs”.

            The first step to revising my paper was reading out loud to my peer leader. When I did this I noticed mistakes in my conventions and sentence fluency. I always heard that reading a paper out loud was a very effective way to pinpoint mistakes in writing however I never had a driving force compelling me to do it. I am glad that I finally did because now it will be a tool I use for all of my papers.

          After reading my paper out loud I discussed what problems I thought that could use improving. My main problem was that my introduction and conclusion paragraphs lacked content. My writing leader pointed out that I never gave a sufficient summery of my story, so my readers were confused. When I added a summery not only did it add supporting detail to that paragraph but it also made the whole paper more read able for my audience.

            The second problem that I had with my paper was that I did not embed quotes into my sentences correctly. I had this same problem in my research paper. I tried to use the whole quote instead of just taking what I needed and making it work for me. When I did this it immediately made my sentences flow cleanly and my thoughts weren’t broken up by unnecessary information.

            The Writing Center was a very helpful experience; I picked up helpful techniques for revising papers and improved my “Ups and Downs” paper in the process. Now in my Literary Analysis my introduction and conclusion paragraphs are much stronger and my sentences are more fluent.

Writing Remix

             As we proceed into 2013 we continue to get letter from teens that are aggravate by the different ways that adults expect them to act. A reader from Ohio says “ At my school my teachers want me to live up to my intelligence potential, at home my parents don’t care about homework they just want me to do my chores. I wish they could just pick one!” It is frustrating to have to act differently around different people, especially when the adults in your life are asking this of you. It sounds like they each want you to complete a task to the very fullest. If you go in with the mindset that you are going everywhere to do a task then really you can act the same in both places. It is all about your mindset!

        Although some teens struggle with the different demands, others embrace it. A teen from Michigan says “I like going to soccer where I can be loud and anticipate what I should do next. It is a nice change from the usual school monotony.” Our editor agrees with both readers, saying that she too deals with having to have a different mindset in different places and although it can be relief to the normal pattern, it can sometimes become stressful. “I just go in with a positive attitude and hope for the best!”. A member on our team give a good piece of advice, “find a system that works for you while you are young, so when you are an adult you are ready for these situations”.

        We wish every teen out there struggling with the same problem luck. We love answering your questions, keep sending them in!

Original:  http://lizzieb1452.blogspot.com/2013/03/expectations.html

Rhetorical Analysis 

            Every blog post I wrote this year had one target audience and one purpose. The audience is my peers, so my writing style for each blog is the classic school writing: structured and melodramatic. My purpose for writing blogs was to, of course, get all my homework points. My writing analysis not only takes on a different medium, but with that comes a different audience, purpose and writing style. I changed my blog “Expectations” into a advice column in a teen magazine.

            The blog  “Expectations” was originally about the conflicts Tambu from Nervous Conditions by Tsitse Damumbragua. Tambu’s parents wanted her to stay home and work, while Tambu aspired to create the life her wealthy uncle has. The only way Tambu could do this is to become educated, and that was not going to happen in her rural homestead. When Tambu gets her big break, it only leads to other internal conflicts. In my blog, I go on to discuss my own issues about how to act in different places such as schooling and sports events. However, I take the stance of embracing the change.

            For my medium I chose to do an advice column in a teen magazine because in my original writing I considered the correlation between Tambu and my social situations. Not only this, but we are both teenage girls, working our way through life. Rather than just conveying the similarities Tambu and I share, I look to offer my audience a solution to the approach Tambu takes to her problem. My writing style changes to a peppy, supportive, and upbeat position to effectively depict my message to my audience, teenage girls.

            My hope for this article is not for teenage girls to actually read it and say “All my problems are solved!” No, if anything my writing remix is a parody of the flamboyant writing styles that teen magazines often write in. My goal for this remix is for the message of my target audience and purpose to not be mistaken. I want the reader to be able to clearly see why I chose the medium and writing style I did and understand my target audience. 

  Hits and Misses

Hits: 

  1.)  http://lizzieb1452.blogspot.com/2012/09/response-comments.html

  2.) http://lizzieb1452.blogspot.com/2012/11/reading-response-match.html

Misses:

  1.) http://lizzieb1452.blogspot.com/2012/08/free-post-my-summer.html

  2.)  http://lizzieb1452.blogspot.com/2012/09/hurricane-isaac.html